Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
