ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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