I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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