Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm at about main and main street
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
