it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did i walk over a car last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
