I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
