I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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