Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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