So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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