my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
