KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
