we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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