In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
