I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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