And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
