Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
