The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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