The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
