that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
