im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
