Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
