oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
