It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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