dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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