i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
