Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will be naked everywhere
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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