So drunk its hurt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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