I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
