She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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