Welp...herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
