It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Randomize
