Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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