bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
