Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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