K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
