Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
