We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she looked like the before picture.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize