He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
