Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
