i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We left an ass print on the piano.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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