So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sorry my hands just texted you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
