I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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