Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
