Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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