Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
