and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
