She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize