Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
