I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
