I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk is not a location!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
