I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
