Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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