just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
