I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
