I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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