HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize