just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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