I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
