im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
