8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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