I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize