I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
