Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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