I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
