oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
