My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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