Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
