Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
