I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
