I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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