Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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