I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
