i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
