I seem to have left my pride at pride
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
