so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
