Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
