I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize