Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
