You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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