if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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