Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
