you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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