"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
