Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
