we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize