Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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