My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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