watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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