Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
