My liver just broke up with me...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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