god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
