bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
