he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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