Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
