I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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