I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
