When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
