Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
