it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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