I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
