"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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