is your mom at the bar?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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