There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
