Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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