My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
