you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Life is so much better after having sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize