Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
