I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
