He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
