I could have mohawked her pubes.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
