census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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